Backdoor Strategy

30th Sunday in Ordinary Time
Matthew 22: 34-40 “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”


A little boy was standing before a shoe store, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, “Why are you here?” The boy replied, “I ask God to give me a pair of shoes.” The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get a pair of shoes for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel. Then she lovingly helped the boy wear the new shoes. As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her. ‘Are you God’s wife?’ She smiled and said, “Why did you say that?” The boy smiled and said, “Because you answered my prayer.”

In our gospel for today, when a scholar of the law came to Jesus asking what’s the greatest commandment, it was not to trap Jesus, but to find comfort from the burdened of following 613 Jewish laws (365 are prohibitions and 248 were actions to be done). It was already difficult for them to remember and teach 613 laws, how much more to follow them to the letter as imposed by the Pharisees. Jesus knew their burden. “They are heavy yokes that oppress and weary the people” (Matthew 11:28). And so Jesus replied by quoting a verse from the Book of Deuteronomy, “You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:5). Every Jews knows the verse by heart for they say it twice in their morning and evening prayers.

For the Jews, “to love God” means to offer Him sacrifices and prayers. For the Pharisees, it means strictly observance of Sabbath rules and worshipping God in the temple -. at the expense of ignoring the needs of people. And for us, we sometimes express our love to God by attending the Sunday Mass, praying the rosary, attending the novena in Baclaran and Quiapo, a pilgrimage to Fatima and Lourdes, praising God in the weekly prayer meeting, attending the Quiapo and Antipolo midnight processions and other liturgical celebrations. They are important part of our Christian tradition but these are not enough.

Loving God by doing these things alone will not make us a “true blooded Christians.” We need to show to our God that our love for Him is not just a skin deep. We need to do something more tangible and liberating as we recall God’s word: “I desire mercy and not sacrifice.” (Matthew 12:7). And so Jesus gave us the second but equally important commandment by quoting a verse from Book of Leviticus: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18). We see that neither of these two commands is original to Jesus. But then neither is the placing of them both together unique to Jesus. In certain Jewish writings they are placed side-by-side in a sort of parallelism. Thus, loving God and loving others are intrinsically connected. They are inseparable. But for the Jews, when we think of neighbours, it means a fellow Jews and not a stranger. But Jesus widens the definition of neighbours to include everyone including our enemies (Matthew 5:44). John in his first letter even remarked, “Those who say, “I love God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. (1 John 4:20)

In the good old days when iPod and internet are not yet invented, for a gentleman, to court a lady is to court her parents as well. If a gentleman can get the approval of the lady’s parent, he can easily get the sweet “yes” of the lady. That’s backdoor strategy and it works: fetch water, cut fire woods, chocolates for the grandchildren and win their hearts. A friend of mine won the heart of a beautiful young widow by playing and spending time with her son. Backdoor strategy! An Atenean student who fell in love to a varsity player suddenly finds interest in reading a sports magazine and starts thinking of becoming a varsity player too in the hope that her crush will notice her. Enter into the heart of your beloved by loving what’s in his/her heart. That’s backdoor strategy!

The same thing is true for God. If we really love God and wants to please Him, we should love the people He loves (including his enemies). When Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God, he cannot help but to reveal what’s inside his heart: the poor, the sick, the neglected, the marginalized and the sinners. Thus, he said, “You shall love your neighbour.” Love the poor and Jesus will be extremely happy. Backdoor strategy! But to make this loving of others more true and sincere, Jesus added “love your neighbour as yourself.” For the way we love ourselves is a good norm to love others. That’s a tough act to follow and Jesus recognized it, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13)

To love God and to love our neighbour looks like a very simple concept. Jesus however shows how challenging this is. His love of the Father led him to reach out to the outcast, tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes, and others. For Jesus there is no distinction between these two commandments. One naturally flows from the other. Love is not love unless it is free and spontaneous.

What Jesus proposes are not just commandments or rules to follow but a whole approach to life and to our relationship with others. It is His way of life. Jesus identifies himself with those in most need of love and compassion. We should also naturally identify ourselves with Jesus’ way of life. It is also our way of life … and our Christian identity.

A visitor to the New Bilibid Prison Hospital watched a young volunteer dressing an infected bed sores of a dying prisoner. The visitor was horrified by the bed sores but admired the volunteer who seemed not affected by the bad smell of the sores as he was cleaning the wound. “I wouldn’t do that for a thousand pesos.” said the visitor. “Neither would I,” said the volunteer, “but I am doing it for God.”




Fr.Willy M. Samson, SJ
Fort Pilar Shrine
October 26, 2008

A Piece of Heaven

Homily for the Wedding of Marissa Gallego and Jobert Delos Reyes
John 15:9-13

One Sunday, Pedro visited his grandparents. His lolo was delighted to see his favorite grandchild. In his excitement, lolo shouted, “Honey! Honnneeyy, your favorite apo is here!” Pedro smiled, “Lolo, you are very sweet, at the age of 80, you still call lola honey!” His lolo smiles and winks at him, “Ssssss…hush! Keep quiet. I’m calling her honey because I already forgot your lola’s name.”

We may be laughing or smiling now. But there is a pinch of reality in the story. Some marriages are on the rocks because couples who promised to hold each other’s hand and be faithful to each other “till death do us part” have forgotten their wedding promise. If there is a global economic meltdown, there is also the crisis of “marriage or family meltdown.”

In your chosen gospel for today, Jobert and Marissa, the Lord is exhorting you to remember the following words: REMAIN IN MY LOVE (John 15:9-13). It is also one way of saying, REMAIN IN EACH OTHERS’ LOVE. When a new couple is married, sometimes we have so much expectation from each other. But be aware that love will have a different color and expression after the wedding. Your marriage will be tested to its limit, but if you genuinely love each other and you have accepted one another, your marriage will stand and survive the test of time.

Today, as we witness this celebration of love unfolding in our midst. Jobert and Marissa, allow me to walk you through this “walk to married life” and spare you from possible marriage or family meltdown. Don’t forget our gospel for today: REMAIN IN GOD’S LOVE… REMAIN IN EACH OTHER’S LOVE. Too much expectation from each other can be blinding. Do not be blinded by the Korean and Pinoy tele-novela love stories, where all love stories should end in “kissing and ringing of bells and they live happily after.” The End.

In marriage, real love story begins when your own “movie-like” love story ends. For you Joebert and Marissa, we know that fate brought you together in Yubengco Mall through the courtesy of SMART’s “Text a Friend Promo.” Smart’s job is done.
When Joebert said, "Will you marry me?" last April. Everything falls into place. Marissa said yes and everything went so fast. Now both of you are here. Ready to tie the knot. THE END. Nope, it is not the end but the beginning of something more real and profound – two unique souls becoming one.

All feet on the ground, Joebert and Marissa. The Smart Love Promo is now over. You need to do your own promotion now ….Promote your married life now. Face the reality, so that you will not be disappointed. Marriage life is like having a cell phone… sometimes you don’t have enough load, sometimes you don’t have enough money or resources. Sometimes it seems there’s “no signal,” then move and do something, find your signal and communicate. Sometimes its low bat … then time to recharge your marriage … returning to your wedding day promise today … for better or for worst, till death do us part. More unfolding of self to behold and to enjoy as you walk together and build your own family. The beauty of married life is in journeying together. It is in your journey you will experience different moments of falling in love, falling out love and choosing to love. Married is a roller coaster ride, it has ups and downs, but do not be afraid, just open your eyes because God is journeying with you. This is the promise and blessing of the sacrament of matrimony.
Your journey together as married couple may not always be “a walk in the cloud.” There are lots of challenges in married life and in raising a family. But God is journeying with you, like the Emmaus disciples, you will also say, “Where not our hearts burning while we walk together?” – burning of hearts means falling in love everyday! To fall in love everyday and to choose to love is the secret of a happy and lasting marriage.

If Stephen Covey has “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” allow me to share my own “Seven Habits of Highly Happy Marriage” It’s a way of life on how to REMAIN IN EACH OTHER’S LOVE and avoid marriage meltdown. The Seven Habits of a Happy Marriage are: to see, to listen, to touch, to chat, to pray, to walk, and to live.

To see – Learn to see each other by understanding each other in the eyes of love. Try to see the “You and I” each other … that from now on, in married life, you are forever united and cannot be separated. You are one flesh.

To listen – Learn to humbly listen to one another. There are still so much to learn from each other. To listen is to know and to know is to understand. Conflicts of ideas may still arise but listen and you will survive any trials of your married life.

To touch – Be sensitive enough to each other and spend time together. Anything you can feel, you can heal. Learn to be sensitive to the needs of each other and you will heal and forgive each other. Console each other when crisis comes and celebrate each other’s joy in times of victories.

To chat – Learn to share stories to one another, even the mundane and boring stories. Marissa, listen to Joebert how he plants and harvests vegetables. Joebert, listen to Marissa how to run after and trap stray cats in Ateneo campus for Biology students’ use. The problem with married couples now is they don’t know how to listen to each other’s stories. There are lots of “us” to know in the ordinary stories of life.

To pray – Learn to pray together. What you decide in prayer together will determine the quality of your family life. Remember to consult God. If there is a third party allowed in married life, it is HIM. Remember that old sayings, the family that prays together stays together.

To walk – Always walk and work together. After this wedding ceremony, everything you do is a “family project.” There’s no “I” in married life but always “us” and “we.”

To live – Enjoy married life. It is not just raising a family. It is still you Joebert and Marissa. It is unfortunate that many couples forgot their friendship when already married. They are so caught up in raising their children. Once in a while find time to do things you love to do together. Watch movie together in Mindpro or attend Mass at Ateneo together. Go to the Cawa-cawa at sunset and eat balut. Swim to Bolong beach together. Do things you enjoy doing together even if you have already kids. Your friendship is too beautiful to forget after today’s ceremony. After all, your friendship is the foundation of your married life.

Learn to choose to love and fall in love everyday. Remain in each other’s love and in God’s love. Say YES to each other everyday. And before you know it, years from now, your children will come and embrace you, thanking you both for giving them a loving parents and a wonderful family.

It is true that not all marriages are made in heaven. But with your constant and unwavering love and by remembering to see, to listen, to touch, to chat, to pray, to walk, and to live together daily, you will make your marriage and your home, a piece of heaven here on earth.


- Fr. Willy M. Samson,SJ
Our Lady of Perpetual Parish – Guiwan,, Zamboanga City
October 18, 2008