A Dance called "Marriage" - A Wedding Homily

I cannot deny that I am also excited every time I officiate a marriage rite. It is not because that I want to get married also, but it reminds me of the beauty of married life, because I was witness of a happy married life. Thanks to my Nanay and Tatay. My father died six years ago, but I cannot deny that until now, the memories of having a happy family stays with us, especially with my mother, and I guess the memories will stay with us forever.

Yet some of us are not excited anymore to enter the sacrament of marriage. Somehow, they have fear of it. We cannot deny the reality that not all marriages are made from heaven. We have seen happy and loving couples before, saying with feelings, “ikaw lamang ang aking mamahalin, till death do us part,” are now separated, if not they are waging a cold war with each other. We have many broken families today and we know how their children are suffering and devastated by their parents’ separation. We also know couples who are still living in one roof, and yet the fire of their love is no longer there. Their marriages become a routine and bringing up their children becomes a heavy burden and obligation and not a chosen responsibility and joy. Some couples are not even married, but living together without the Church’s blessings, because they feel that the church marriage is a legal hindrance if they decide to part ways. Why such marriages are happening now? Maybe because many married couples failed to realize that marriage is like a dance.

Married life is like watching to people dance gracefully and intimately. When I look at marriage life, it is a lot like dancing to me. One must lead the dance. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is becomes uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. In real dancing, most of the time, it is the gentleman who leads. But in the dance of life called “marriage”… the husband and wife take turns in leading the dance. And if both husband and wife learn the art of allowing each other lead or take turns in leading, it becomes a happy dance of marriage. Roderick and Rubilyn, I want you to discover your own dance by learning to respect one another and enjoy the music called life.

But such graceful and happy dance in marriage will not come to you naturally. You need to work for it. You need to desire it, starting today and for the rest of you life. Marriage is a commitment. It is a commitment of giving yourself to each other. It is a commitment of saying “I love you” and “I forgive you” to one another when one fails to dance well in the music of life. It is a commitment of not saying “ayoko na” when in the process of learning your dance, one of you accidentally made a wrong move or suddenly step on each others’ foot. Yesterday, when asked both of you, “nag-away na ba kayo?” And you answered, “Noong bago pa lang kami Father, madalas, pero hindi na ngayon.” I guess you are learning the dance slowly. But marriage life is different dance. You may still have some misunderstandings and misgiving ahead of you. But just learn to love and forgive, and you will be fine. Just hold on and persevere and you will learn your own rhythm and your own dance. It is not good to dance alone. That’s not marriage life.

Part of learning your own dance is to know the seven steps of dancing gracefully in married life. It’s a way of life on how to REMAIN IN EACH OTHER’S LOVE - to see, to listen, to touch, to chat, to pray, to walk, and to live.

To see – Learn to see each other by understanding each other in the eyes of love. Try to see the “You and I” in each other … that from now on, in married life, you are forever united and cannot be separated.

To listen – Learn to humbly listen to one another. There are still so much to learn from each other. Conflicts of ideas may still arise but listen and you will survive any trials of your married life.

To touch – Be sensitive enough to each other and spend time together. Learn to be sensitive to the needs of each other. Console each other when crisis comes and celebrate each other’s joy in times of victories.

To chat – Learn to share stories to one another. The problem with married couples now is they don’t know how to listen to each other’s stories.

To pray – Learn to pray together. What you decide in prayer together will determine the quality of your family life. Remember to consult God. If there is a third person allowed in your dance, it is God.

To walk – Always walk and work together. After this wedding ceremony, everything you do is an “our project” …”our family.” … “Our problem”

To live – Enjoy married life. It is not just raising a family. It is still you Roderick and Ruby. It is unfortunate that many couples forgot their friendship when already married. They are so caught up in raising their children. Once in a while find time to do things you love to do together. Continue window shopping together at pueblo. Attend Mass together in this church. Take care of your parents together. Do things you enjoy doing together. Your friendship is too beautiful to forget after today’s ceremony. After all, your friendship is the foundation of your married life.

Learn to choose to love and fall in love everyday. Say YES to each other everyday. And before you know it, you are enjoying the dance of life called marriage. And years from now, your children will embrace and thank you for giving them a wonderful family, and for showing them how to dance gracefully in married life.

It is true that not all marriages are made in heaven. But with your constant and unwavering love and by remembering to see, to listen, to touch, to chat, to pray, to walk, and to live together daily, you will make your marriage and your home, a piece of heaven here on earth.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.


(A Homily for the Wedding of Roderick and Rubilyn)

- Fr. Willy M. Samson,SJ
Our Lady of the Rosary of Manaoag Parish
Tumaga, Zamboanga City
January 31, 2009

Open Season

Feast of the Lord’s Baptism
Mark 1: 7-11 : “On coming up out of the water he saw the heavens being torn open
and the Spirit, like a dove, descending upon him.”


The students asked, “Master, what is our worth?” He took a P 500 bill and asked his students, “Who would like this money?” Hands started going up. The master said, “I will give this P500 to one of you but first, let me do this.” He crumpled the P500 peso bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air. He replied, “Well, what if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it on the floor with his shoe. Now crumpled and dirty, he asked again, “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air. And the master finally said, “No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It is still worth P 500.”

Like the P 500 bill, many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by our sins and wrong decisions we made in our life. We felt worthless. But no matter what has happened, we never lose our worth. We have found favour in the eyes of God in spite of our own sinfulness. To reclaim our worth, all we need is to repent and return to God. This is what John was telling us in our gospel today. Jesus saw the importance of baptism that he allowed himself to be baptized even though he was sinless.

When John baptized Jesus in the Jordan River, it was followed by three strange events: “As the Jesus was coming out of the water after baptism, John saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit like a dove descending on Him. And a voice came from the heavens.” (Mark 1:10-11).

The first, “the heavens torn open” refers to Isaiah 63:15-19 where Isaiah asks God to open up the heavens. The opening of heaven symbolizes the end of God’s isolation, silence, and his desire to listen again to his people who have sinned against him. By using this image in Jesus’ baptism, the gospel is telling us that the public life of Jesus is the beginning of the reconciliation of heaven and earth, between God and humanity. It’s now an open season.

Second, the image of the dove brings us back to what happened during the time of Noah. Like in Isaiah where heaven was also closed because of man’s hostility against God, the dove with an olive leaves became the symbol that life is once again restored - a symbol of another chance or new life with God. And when God sends his Spirit in the form of a dove in the baptism of Jesus, God is actually giving us another lease of life through Jesus. It’s now an open season.

Third is the voice from heaven. What is being emphasized here is the positive element of Jesus being totally accepted and confirmed by the Father, “This is my Son, the Beloved; in him I am deeply pleased.” The same words are spoken to us by the Father when we were baptized. Each one of us is held in divine love and care, clothed with dignity and righteousness, and anointed to become followers of Jesus. And like Jesus, we also received the anointing of the Holy Spirit, forgiveness of our sins, making us children of God and allowing us to share in the kingly, prophetic, and priestly ministry of Jesus. By the virtue of our baptism by water, we are commissioned to follow Christ in his mission: to bring glad tidings to the poor, proclaim liberty to captives, recovery of sight to the blind and freedom to prisoners.” (Luke 4:18).

These three realities allow us to see the sacramental grace of our own baptism. Like Jesus, we gained favor in God’s eyes in spite of our own weaknesses and sinfulness. Through baptism, heaven is now on our side, we have received a new lease of life and gained the honor of being the sons and daughters of God.

For Jesus, his baptism was also the start of his public ministry - the start of his career as a hunter of lost souls. Stop for a while and pray. Renew your baptismal promises in your heart and rekindle the kingly, prophetic, and priestly role we share with Jesus. The harvest is plenty. Reclaim your discipleship and join the “lost soul” hunting season and help save souls.

As we formally close the Christmas Season today, let us remember who we are and what our worth is. The sacrament of baptism gave us an indelible mark of being the children of God. Nobody or nothing can take away this mark of God’s ownership in us. Our sins may damage our lives but the mercy and love of God will always be there to renew us. All we need to do is to repent and remember who we are. And you will hear the Father saying, “This is my beloved child with whom I am well pleased.”


When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and the princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flocks,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among brothers,
To make music in the heart.

-Howard Thurman






- Fr.Willy M. Samson,SJ
Zamboanga Catedral
January 11, 2009

Chasing the Star

Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord
Matthew 2:1-12 “We saw his star at its rising and have come to do him homage”
January 4, 2009


One day, a monk asks another monk, “Why, all of a sudden, so many monks are leaving the monastery?” The other monk answered, “It is just like a pack of dogs chasing a rabbit. One dog catches sight of the rabbit and starts to chase it through the fields, barking and running all the way. And soon, all the other dogs join because they just see and hear the first dog chasing the rabbit. And so the whole pack goes off across the countryside in pursuit of the rabbit. But only one of the dogs has really seen the rabbit. After a while the other dogs get tired and one by one they drop out, because they do not really see the rabbit. And only one dog continues the pursuit, because only he has seen – and understood – what he is chasing.

As we begin the year, we start running again from all over. Its cramming time! Some are reviewing for school exams. Some are preparing themselves for a Herculean job of finishing tons of paper works left undone during the Christmas Season. We have started removing Christmas decors. And the heavy traffic in Manila is back. Slowly we are returning back to our normal busy life.

But before we plunge into our usual “de more” (daily routine), it is good to stop for a while and ask ourselves, “What do I really want to chase this year?” Returning to our ordinary routine after Christmas is very tiring; and to some, it is very depressing. Sometimes we literally drag our feet to return to school or office. But this moment is much more depressing if you do not know what you want for yourself and your family this year. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, “What is my innermost desire this year?”

The Magi in our gospel know what they want. They know how to read the movement of stars and its meaning. They know that the Bethlehem star will lead them to the newly born saviour. They can see something beyond the star. They are inwardly attracted to chase the star. They know what they are chasing. Their eyes of faith allowed them to see what they are after, they want to give homage to the King of Kings. This burning desire gives them direction and meaning in life.

On the other hand, Herod and the citizens of Jerusalem are greatly troubled when the Magi came and said, “Where is the newborn King of the Jews?” Unlike the Magi, Herod is not that eager to leave the palace. Chasing the star does not excite him for he failed to see the saviour the star represents. He is so engrossed with his own needs and concern. The best thing he can offer to the Magi is to say, “Go and search diligently for the child. When you have found him, bring me the word, that I too may go and him homage.” And so, Herod stayed at the palace. And only the three Magi continue the pursuit, because only them have seen – and understood – what they are chasing.

Today, as we begin the New Year, let us ask ourselves: Am I like Herod or the Magus? What is the “star” (desire) I am chasing at this moment? When I asked some of my friends what do they want to achieve this New Year, most of them were caught flat-footed and said, “Father, ang hirap naman ng tanong mo.” But I said I am serious with my question. And their next texts were quite revealing for them and for me: Be able to love my husband with the Lord’s heart, that papa gets out of depression, that my daughter meet someone special to be lifetime partner, that everything will be okay in my life, peace on earth, serenity at every sunrise, less anxiety and depression, sana mabayaran na namin ang utang naming, to get married and have kids, spiritual groundedness, a child, new house, physical healing of a family member, trip abroad, and others. These things are our stars. We desire these things and we should aggressively chase them this year. Our different stars mean a lot for us; but let’s not forget that they are only pointers to our real and innermost desire - God himself. St. Augustine realized it, “My heart is restless until it rest on Thee.” Let’s chase God by diligently chasing our stars.

The star of Bethlehem had helped the Magi in finding Jesus. They were mesmerized by the beauty of the star and followed it; but they know the star is not everything. They chased the star and led them to their real desire: to worship Jesus.

We have lots of stars in our life: a dream house, a plan to study, change of work, reconciliation in the family, a trip to USA, and others. Our “stars” give us direction, focus, and motivation to move on, go to the next level, and persevere. But we should be like the Magi who are wise enough to see what they are really chasing. We chase our stars in the hope that it will lead us see God and worship Him.

A friend of mine texted me this morning: “AFTER ALL THOSE CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR CELEBRATION, WE SHOULD STOP FOR A WHILE AND ASK OURSELVES … ANO NA KAYA ANG TIMBANG KO NGAYON?”

I smiled and texted her back with my revised version: AFTER ALL THOSE CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR CELEBRATION, WE SHOULD STOP FOR A WHILE AND ASK OURSELVES … ANO NGA BA TALAGA ANG GUSTO KO SA BUHAY?”

Find your own star and let the chase begin !





Fr. Wilfredo M. Samson, SJ
Ateneo de Zamboanga University
January 4, 2009