April 6, 2009

Boksing ng Isang Nanay

A friend of mine sent this beautiful sharing of her own boxing. Allow me to share this ... in the end, she won with God.
Sa Boksing ng Buhay, kapag si Lord ang kasama mo ...walang talo.


When Mario, my eldest son stepped into high school, he started to become my biggest “care”. His life in the elementary and even high school years was a bit easier for me since we were together in the same school. His teachers were my co- teachers and he was so obedient on the rules I’ve set for his personal safety, and even academic success. Mario was born an “easy” child to love , mold and care for. But when he entered college, life for us has greatly changed. I am no longer in control of his time, his activities, whom he was going with . All the more when he left home to work as a nurse abroad. The first few nights were sleepless nights for me because of fear that bad things might happen to Mario and I am so far away from him that I can not easily be with him in time of greatest need for my presence. . My fear would get so intense when I see documentary films like “Rescue 911”. I lost my peace that I was bordering between paranoia and panic attack.

In an act more of desperation than obedience I cried out to God concerning this. Lord God! tulungan Mo po ako sa laban kong ito, hirap na hirap na ako! Ting!, ting! ting! My greatest REFEREE rang the time out bell.
He sat with me in my corner and reminded me, “Mario is My gift to your husband and you. I care for your son even more than you do.” I was reminded of the biblical instruction to “Cast all your cares upon Him” (1Peter 5:7), and so I did. From that point on, I’ve learned to release Mario into God’s Hands. He is now on his 16th year working in California so blessed by my Greatest Manager and Referee.

I had the same kind of Boksing Nanay with my girl Gina. The pattern of the fight was so similar to the kind of fight I had with Mario’s. I cried the most painful tears and sobs for mixed feelings of pain of letting her go to live with her husband and children in Canada, what would life be for her in a foreign land etc. And when I allow myself to wallow in these fears and anxieties till I feel almost defeated by my unknown giant Fears, my Greatest Referee rings my time out bell. He would whisper to my ears “Cast all your fears unto Me”, then my peace is restored and I grow strong for my fight.

As the years went by I realized my Manager have prepared for me five boxing fights in my life as a mother. I already came out victorious in my three Nanay boxing fights. But this my fourth fight is the toughest one, my fight with my second boy who from elementary years until college have given me a difficult fight. My son Jay, was a frequent visitor to the Prefect of Discipline and Guidance Office in his elementary years because he would pick up a fight with male or female classmates and becomes a destruction to the class, thus, a behavior problem to his teacher.

He is an intelligent child as all his teachers would tell me, yet he was underachieving. He exhausted all his energies in basketball and computer games. His grades were deteriorating as every grading quarter came by. He finally graduated grade six and moving on to high school and finally to college compounded the toughness of my fight as a mother. I have come to a point that whenever I would meet his teachers in campus, my heart would pound like a dribbled basketball preparing to listen to a knock out report. I became a very frustrated mother that my heart and my ears did no longer know how to expect good news about my son’s performance in school. I suffered quietly deep inside. Araw-araw pasan ko ang krus of being a mother who wants only to prepare her child for his best future. In school being the coordinator for Faculty and Staff formation , I was for many years involved in Parenting conferences for all parents of the entire Ateneo Grade School. Parenting my own first three children and teaching early childhood pupils for 17 years enabled me to talk with confidence and assurance about effective parenting.

My experiences with them almost made me believe that I really have gotten the knowledge and wisdom of the many renowned authors about parenthood and have found the secrets of successful parents. But parenting my son Jay, made everything turned upside down. I lost my confidence in what I knew in all the principles of child rearing and all the early childhood development and human psychology written by most renowned psychiatrist , psychologist and child developmental theorist . Every philosophy, principle, formula, experience and whatever was written and said about successful parenting suddenly to me became a hoax . I stopped getting involved in parenting conferences. What right do I have to stand before parents who are so excited to hear secrets of bringing up their children to the best they can be ,and here is my own son who defies every thing I say to develop a respectable image, safety and success in school.

Jay and I have come to a point where dialogue is impossible. He closes himself to any conversation or dialogue I would initiate with him. He has consumed his waking hours in listening to music and dancing, doing choreography for all dance groups , debuts and school programs. He totally neglected his own studies. I became so afraid of what will happen to him- my worst fear was he might be going with bad companions, getting into alcohol and worst is drugs. I was enveloped with fear every time he comes home in the early dawn hour- my prayer time hour. I became a defeated boxer.

For two years I allowed myself to wallow in disappointment, frustration in being an ineffective parent. But I continued talking to my Manager and my Referee. I talked to Him in the silence of my heart for many nights . I told Him “ ayaw ko nang lumaban pa sa boxing arena ng mga Nanay. Pagod na pagod na ako, pinanghihinaan na ako ng loob, sadyang di ko na kaya. Kung pipilitin ko man baka batuhin lang nila ako ng kamatis dahil kilala nila ako at ang anak ko. I did have many moments of temptations- doubting if my God was listening to my pleas. But answers would come to my mind like – si Sta Monica naging santa dahil sa anak niyang si Augustine ! St Monica prayed for 30 years for the conversion of her son. Then I would mentally retort- sus! Lord kaya ko ba yan katagal? Pagod na ako Lord at matanda na ako. Yet again the bell rang for my time out and my Great Referee sat with me in my corner and His whisper was clear “ Would you limit Me in what I can do with your son? Just allow Me to take hold and have full access of his life I will take care of him even better than you can”. From that moment on I said “ Yes Lord I am releasing my son Jay into Your Hands and ask You to be in charge of his life. Sa pagka nanay ko surrender na ako. Walang-wala na talaga akong magagawa sagad na ang lahat kung pag unawa, pag pasensiya, at pagbibigay. Suko na ako Lord, Ikaw na Po ang bahala sa kanya.

Over a year I prayed this kind of prayer- daily releasing my son Jay into God’s Hands. I asked God to take care of him as the sun rise for a new day until the next sunrise for another day.

My Manager, my Great Referee surprised me one morning when my son Jay asked me- “Ma, do you have time for me? I have something very important to tell you”. I answered anak, I will always have time to listen to you. And the greatest dialogue in my son’s lifetime happened. He said with tears in his eyes- “Ma, pagod na ako sa buhay ko. Parang wala akong patutunguhan. Matagal na tayong di nagkasama sa pagkain, dahil pagising ko ay wala na kayong lahat. Matagal na rin akong di nakasama sa inyo ni Papa sa pagsimba tuwing Linggo na kinagisnan ko dahil puyat ako at di makagising ng maaga. Gusto ko nang magbago Ma. Bigyan po ninyo ako ng one last chance. Paniwalaan po ninyo ako na abutin ko ang araw na sasabihin po ninyo” Mag -graduate ang anak ko. Proud ako sa anak ko. Hindi na ako magpromise Ma, gagawin ko na lang. Sorry po sa lahat na nagawa kong pagpasakit sa inyo ni Papa.”

To cut short my boxing story, last April 3, 2009, my son was admitted to enroll in a prestigious university for a four year degree course which starts in June. His subjects were all credited ,nothing was wasted. He is so excited to start a new life as a student in a new place and new environment. Ting! Ting! Ting! Panalo ako sa boksing ng buhay Nanay! Thanks to my Manager and my Great Referee!

I know I still have many more days and even years ahead when I have to release my son Jay into God’s Hands. I would like to say the same prayer Hannah had prayed for her son Samuel, who became one of the greatest prophet of God the world has ever known. “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore , I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord” (1 Samuel: 27-29).

My Manager and Referee told me I still have one more Boxing Nanay fight as my youngest girl is about to enter college in June. Well, I would say as long as Ikaw pa rin ang Manager at Referee ko Lord, okey lang ang laban ko. Thanks be to God! Ikaw ilang fight pa ba ang ilalaban mo?

- Nanay Zamboanga


You may want to share your own boxing and inspire other people who are losing and being tempted to surrender their fight. Send your sharing to willysamson@yahoo.com

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